RUMOR MILL

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RUMOR MILL – OR: THE OUTCRY OF THE HIPSTER COMMUNITY

A rumor has been going around in Munich the last few weeks, which was: that Tattoo Anansi does not tattoo men with trendy beards or even trendy Man-Buns. The outcry from the hipster community was accordingly great. Even the most important media in the world did not want to believe it and traveled from the most countries. The renowned paper “Der Hintertupfinger Wochenanzeiger” stated the rumor true in advance, which was apparently due to investigative research. #fakenews

The owner and head of the Tattoo Studio, Paul Rodriguez Dirty Sanchez Varga, was constantly harassed by reporters. The Forstinger Kreisbote, who need not fear comparison to the New York Times,was the most brazen. A man even disguised himself as a double of the wife of Paul Rodriguez Dirty Pablo Sanchez Varga. The dizziness was immediately noticeable, however, as Paul’s wife would never wear a bun. #undercoverboss

Some claim to know the stories of Paul Maria Varga and where the phobia of beards and their Hipster-buns comes from. Friends from close circles think it could have come from childhood. Santa Claus is said to be to blame. #merrychristmas

According to legend, the young Deejay Paul Van Varga asked for a pair of Technics turntables, but onlygot a recorder and hand-knitted sports socks from Aunt Helene. He then swore eternal revenge to the bushy beard. #paybackcard

As a top journalist who doesn’t shy away from hard facts and was awarded the RTL2 Journalism Prize 2019, I dare to attempt to find the truth behind this rumor. #formyourownopinion

The phone rings and Paul Narco’s Varga answers. With a determined and at the same time trembling voice, I ask him what is wrong with the rumor. In the background I hear a recorder playing quietly, a slight scratching can be heard. I think it must be his knitted socks. Pushing size 45, of course. The boy is still growing. But there is another voice, which is accompanied by music and asks me to raise my hands and swing from left to right.

That’s when I knew. The hoax was true and the curse was broken. Probably Santa Paul is wearing a male bun right now and is kindly giving an appointment to a full-bearded customer. #dothebartman

Text: Alex Leonhardt